Sunday, March 9, 2008

Double D's or Difficult Decisions

Let me begin by saying I'm not one for admiting defeat, ever. Just ask Daddy. He says I drive him nuts because I just won't give up on something and will wiggle things around so that I still come out on top.
But this week was different.
And I'm a little blue about it, hence the blue color to my blog.

It looks like this move to Roswell is going to happen. Which means in a couple of weeks, I'll be without Daddy for most of the week. Really, I was OK with that. I've made arrangements for friends to pick up kids on those days when I'm in Chemistry class/lab. I made arrangements for Miss Becky to pick me up and drive me to/from my procedure on April Fool's day.
But then.....
I got my grade back from my first Chemisty exam. Talked with the professor about needing to take the April 1st exam early and turning in the labs I missed. So still, I thought, no problem there.
But then.....
I was at work, caught up on everything I had to do there and finishing typing up my labs during lunch. I got a call from the kid's school,
"Miss B? This is the secretary at ? school. I have Josie in the office and she needs to go home. There was an incident (just that word alone fills me with dread) with the parent volunteer, Josie pulled her hair and bit her. She's spoken with Mrs. Principal, and because of our rules, she is being dismissed from school for the remainder of the day."
With the parent volunteer.... that is so much worse than if she bit a teacher because a teacher would keep things quiet, never mention it again. But a parent volunteer will be the one who points me out at the next PTA meeting as the mom whose child bites! Perhaps moving now is the best choice just to avoid the stares.
I picked up Josie and got the whole story, upset in the morning, something got to her about lunch and she dropped her tray, something got to her again on the playground and she was screaming (enter the parent volunteer to calm her down) and the biting ensued. Took her to my office and, since I knew Daddy couldn't get her and I still had class to get to, called my mom to beg her to take Josie. My dad could get her at 1:30 (an hour and a half) and take her to mom so that I could go to class. It was after my dad (with a smug attitude, he doesn't think I can handle all my kids since I'm not my mom) picked up Josie that I realized that I forgot to cancel the counseling appointment for Lena and BB.
Various thought that entered my brain at that moment: Josie is finally showing us what she thinks about moving, I am just not going to do very well this semester (after having looked at the Physics exam), how the heck am I going to be there for the kids if I can't get them because I'm in class, what about all my medical exams, I can't do this, like this, once Daddy leaves for Roswell, since we're moving to Roswell and I have to change schools, and I don't need this Chemistry or Physics class for the degree from that school, why the heck am I going to kill my GPA (and myself) by struggling through classes I don't need.
So, I decided to withdraw from Chemistry and Physics. Since I have to be full-time for my financial aid, I found three Microsoft classes (which I use everyday at work) to take for easy A's and they are all online, I'll be home for the kids. What a wonderful idea.
But.... I felt like I was giving up. Throwing in the towel, something I just don't do.
It put me in a horrible mood. I know it's the right decision, but I've never backed down from anything.
Luckily, I had my Project Wild class this weekend, a one weekend, one credit class where attendance and participation are the only things that affect your grades. I spent the weekend running around like a deer or rabbit, drawing a to-scale 55 foot whale, and hiding in the brush from a predator. I felt like a kid again, lost my worries for awhile, and though I'm sore today, I had fun.
I'm thinking that moving won't be so bad, change can be fun, I'm going treat it that way.
Tough decisions made, looking on the bright side... a possible 4.0 this semester.

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