Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What's My Age Again?

You've heard that song "What's My Age Again?" I seem to have it running through my head because I'm getting confused. Perhaps it's old age or perhaps it's cause I'm so young. Nobody, it seems, can agree. Within this past month, I have heard the following comments:

Four kids!?! You don't look old enough to have four kids! (asked by a fireman at least ten years younger than me with two kids of his own)

I'll need to see your ID (to purchase wine).

Oh, but you're just a kid (this person is only 8 years older than me).

You know who Bruce Springsteen is? He was hot when we were in high school, how could you know who he is? (This person is only three years older than me, so I was in Junior High)

Mom, where were you when Abraham Lincoln was killed? Were you there when Abraham Lincoln was killed? (Asked by my 11 year old)

Ouch! How that last one hurt. I've been lucky to inherit my mother's youthful genes but I do have a few silver hairs courtesy of my dad's. I have been carded at 23 for being with a friend who was buying a lighter, let me repeat: A LIGHTER! He wasn't even buying cigarettes, just a lighter. I was carded at 26 when my (then 20 year old now ex-)husband took me to a rated R movie for our 1st anniversary. And even last fall, when I took said 11 year old to her first middle school dance, the chaperon lady asked the both of us if our mother knew she had to pick us up by 10 o'clock. She was quite surprised when I told her, "I'm the mom and yes, I'll be here to pick her up." She apologized (I actually thanked her for the error) and said I looked like a student. Even Daddy's ex-wife has mistaken my age. She was going around town telling people he left her for a younger woman because I was pregnant! Daddy's ex-wife is three years younger than me.
And no, he didn't leave her for me, he left her because she was always passed-out and the last straw was finding Josie covered in her own feces while The Big B was passed-out with earplugs in and the phone off, she couldn't even hear Josie crying. Daddy and I didn't start dating until after the divorce was signed but you can bet I was loving on him as it had been quite a long time for this here mommy and BOB wasn't cutting it anymore. Hence, the B-Boy's rapid conception.
So how old am I? I guess it's a matter of perspective. To my children I am old, our youngest daughter thinks I'm twelve, which to her I'm sure is old. It is twice her age after all. To other adults, I'm still a (pick one) girl, kid, youngster. In actuality, I am turning 35 this year. So how about we take 12 and 35 and average them: I'll be 23 1/2 again! Let's go buy a lighter!!!

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