Tuesday, May 18, 2010

We had our first OB appointment this past Thursday, I was so excited. But we didn't get to hear the heartbeat or learn our due date. However, I am scheduled for an ultrasound this Thursday morning to find out. I really hope the baby is cooperative and we get to see/hear him.
The nausea is better but not entirely gone. I can't even stand the smell of my coffee after about 20 minutes. Actually, pretty much any food smell turns my stomach after 20 minutes. My children have been benefiting from lots of raw foods or things cooked outside on the grill because I just cannot stand the smell in my house. Also, a few nights of cereal for dinner, which for them is a real treat. I even made pancakes for dinner one night. I tried to make a huge batch of green chile stew only to get about halfway through before I couldn't stand the sight or smell of the raw pork. And don't even get me started on chicken! The only thing making this easier is the craving for pizza. Pizza allows me to get away with several things: satisfy the craving, no cooking, paper plates and no utensils. Hamburgers and peanuts cause me to rapidly fly to the bathroom, yeck! But an avocado sandwich is bliss, especially with baby spinach and cucumber slices on wheat bread, yum! And boy, do I have a sweet tooth! Chocolate, cookies, frozen yogurt. Daddy even had to text a friend one night to find out where she got the cookies from that she served at her bar-b-que because I REALLY wanted some. He's such a sweetie and got them for me. They also magically ease the nausea in the middle of the day.
I have learned that cereal for breakfast isn't enough to eat in the mornings. I get the shakes and hot flashes at around 10:30am and have to get something in my tummy quick. So I'll have to add a protein from now on. I also learned that the pickled ginger that came with my dragon roll the other day works wonders on the nausea! I knew ginger was great but pickled ginger I can suck on for-ever! Plus a dragon roll is always a great go-to when you can no longer have sashimi. We found a wonderful recipe for Spinach-Mushroom-Tofu soup in my "One Armed Cook" cookbook that has been great for the nausea too. Plus, it's got just enough protein and fiber to make a good main meal. I ate it for three days! Even my non-tofu and non-mushroom eaters ate every last drop and begged for more! Only one thing... the spinach feels funny on your teeth, sort of like screaming wax beans. (If you've ever eaten wax beans, you know what I mean. The screaming sorta freaks me out.)
I had my birthday this month, I'm on the slide to forty because I can no longer say I'm in the middle of my thirties... 36. What the hell? Where did the time go? I definitely don't feel that old! When my mom was 36, I was 14 and taller than her! She had teenagers at my age, and here I am pregnant with my 3rd/5th child! Her youngest was eight when she was my age. Perhaps that's why I admire her so much. By the time she was my age, she'd done so much. I'm proud of the things I've done too, but somehow, I feel like I dragged my feet a little. I know my mom wouldn't think of it that way, she's glad I took the time to live on my own, go to college, travel. I look back and I see that the reason I took so long to get out and do something was because I was scared. I was scared to leave home, go to college, get married, terrified of becoming a mom, horrified that I was going to be trapped, or worse, do it all wrong. My only regret is the time I wasted being scared all the time. I see that there is so much I would've done better if I hadn't let fear hold me. So I'm taking 36, pregnancy and all, and I've going to face my life, my choices, my husband, my family without fear that I'm doing it wrong. I'm going to live without that voice in my head that says "I can't", the voice that says "I shouldn't", or what "would your parents think?" I have a loving husband and family who are so supportive of me. I have an opportunity to do a play I have wanted to do since I first heard of it. I will be approximately six months pregnant when it is performed. The character I hope to play is six to seven months pregnant. I know one person (whom I love dearly) will not be happy with my decision to be in a production while I'm pregnant and my husband is left at home with the children. But my husband and children are supportive of me, and I will count on them and not let the fear of what "one person" might say or think of me determine my actions. I will do what I love one more time before I put away my costumes to birth and bond with this baby.
That, in not quite a nutshell, is this month. At least until Thursday!

2 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Happy belated birthday! I actually was thrilled to turn 30. But now as I am on my way to 40, even though I have a way to go, it freaks me out!

Lara said...

I was recently thinking about that, too. My mom was finished having children at age 28, and she had 4 of us! When she was my age (I'll be 36 in August), I was 15!!!! Crazy, especially since my oldest is only 9.

Happy Birthday and I hope that you get feeling better soon. Morning sickness stinks. (Quite literally!)