Thursday, January 15, 2009

The nice way of saying, "You're an idiot!"

Part of my mild insanity (work with me people, m-i-l-d, and don't tell me any different), is dealing with my soon-to-be-hubby's ex wife, The Big B. This the the woman who is the biological mother of two of my little girls, Lena and Josie. Josie is the one who's genes come from The Big B and Daddy, Lena has genes from The Big B and ?. But their hearts are beating happily in my home and that's really all I care about, they are happy and safe with us in my home. The only thing is that I'm a very nice person by nature, my nickname when I worked at Walt DisneyWorld was "smiley", and because of that "niceness" I try my best to get their mother to be a part of their lives. As a mom, I just can't understand how she can give her kids away at the drop of a hat to whomever will take them as she has done several times. Perhaps understand is the wrong word, I am intelligent enough to understand that she does it, I guess I can't comprehend why a mother who claims she loves her children and wants them back would do so little to make that a reality. Between early February and November 12th of last year she didn't even bother to see the children even when she knew we were moving out of town. OK, so on to the point. I understand that she is not going to win any mother of the year awards, and I can give her credit for trying, but I'm practically tearing out my hair trying to comprehend. The Big B gave Lena a book and let her buy another one during their visit on the 10th. The one Lena bought is called something like "Circling Three Time and Laying Down". I didn't think much of it at first because it has a picture of a dog on it and I figured it was about a dog. Reading to me is a wonderful way to pass the time and I love it. So I sat on the couch two days ago and Lena's book was on the table so I picked it up and read the cover. It's about a twice divorced woman's dog's views on life, love, and sex. I'm not one to approve of censorship, but I do know about what's considered age-appropriate, and this was not age-appropriate for my 11 year old. Or at least, not without mommy reading it first to see just how much sex was in the book (I'll give everyone an update later). I very nicely explained to Lena why I was temporarily taking the book away until I could absorb it's content and determine if it was age-appropriate. She said she'd just "skip the sex parts". I trust my daughter, but I must remember she's on the verge of teenage-hood and "skipping the sex parts" just sounds like too much temptation mixed with too much curiosity. So she tells me, "My mother also gave me another book that I can read instead." I asked her what book was it? "Something about a Geisha." I WANTED TO SCREAM!!! But I calmly said, "Memoirs of a Geisha?" She went to her room to get the book, and upon her bouncy return down the hall, I immediately recognized the cover of the latest printing (the movie poster) of Memoirs of a Geisha. Again, I WANTED TO SCREAM, but knowing I can't because it is not this child fault. I wanted to scream to her mother, The Big B, that she's an idiot. I gently explained to this 11 year old young lady that while we have discussed the birds and the bees, this book was alot more explicit and not appropriate for her age. I LOVE THIS CHILD, she completely understood and proceeded to begin reading Inkheart, bearing me no grudge or a moody attitude. Rarely do I speak to her b-mom, it use to give me heartburn and make me lose my appetite, and I do not actively try to call her as it is not my job to make her be a "mom" to her kids (that's what I told her lawyer when he asked why I didn't call her to make her visit her children). Last night, she called, and as Lena was out with Daddy picking up some dinner, I answered the phone. Having had a couple of days to ruminate over the situation, I very nicely told her I wanted to discuss the book choices. I asked if she had read Memoirs of a Geisha and she hesitantly said yes (I doubt this because it is a paperback without reading creases in the spine or any give to the pages, you paperback readers know what I'm talking about). I explained to her that while I had discussed the "birds and the bees" to Lena I didn't think she was old enough yet for books talking about selling virginity to the highest bidder or selling sex in general. I recommended that she read the covers of the books she was either buying for or letting Lena buy for their appropriateness for an 11-year old. Try the tween section or give me a call. (I did not call her an idiot and though I'm sure she didn't pick up that I thought she was an idiot, I at least felt better that I had "called" her an idiot in my own way) She said she would and the rest of the call went nicely and I handed the phone over to Josie. When Lena came home she was able to talk to her mother who proceeded to tell her that she couldn't have read the books anyways because it was too complicated. Lena nearly reads at an 11th grade level, reads books that I read in High School Literature, and I've even given her some of my college literature books to read as well (content approved). Lena's feelings were hurt that her mother thought she was unable to read the books because of intellect. I smoothed the ruffled feathers of my little bird and explained that her mother couldn't realize that this little bird could already fly because she'd tucked her head under her wing to avoid dealing with her baby birds. The metaphor amused her and she happily read away at Inkheart.

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